Judgement and Conviction

More on a general note, rather than a note for children's ministry. Let's talk about our interactions with one another.

You often hear, "Don't JUDGE me!" and we think that, "Oh. I don't like to judge others," but in the words of Inigo Montoya, "You keep using that word. I don't think it means, what you think it means."

Here is a devotional I had to present to a group of my peers about Judgement vs Conviction. Do enjoy!

Judgment vs. Conviction

Eric Riskus

READ: Matthew 7:1-5

As a leader and placed in authority, we often have to face everyday the moment and time to deal with someone else’s issues. It’s part of being in a ministry position.

There is a fine line between Judgment and Conviction.

Judgment is defined as the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from the circumstances presented to the mind.

Whereas conviction is defined as proving or declaring guilty of an offense, especially after a legal trial; or to impress with a sense of guilt.

Judgment done improperly leads to gossip.

My favorite character throughout any video game series or cartoon was always Bowser from “Super Mario Brothers.” In fact, he’s one of the tattoos I plan on getting. Here is what I learned from Bowser.

1) He’s the bad guy

2) He keeps kidnapping the princess

3) He tries constantly to get rid of Mario

Now, everyone’s first thought when playing a game is, “Let’s defeat this guy,” but I never saw it the same way. My thought process was,

“Why is he evil? Why does he keep kidnapping the princess in each and every game, and why is he trying to get rid of Mario?”

Then a game came out that completely gave me the paradigm shift I was looking for. Super Mario Sunshine. (Bear with me.)

In this game, every question I had was answered.

1) He’s evil because that’s what his upbringing was, and didn’t know better.

2) He wants to find a mother figure for his boy, and is doing so the only way he knows how.

3) This guy keeps on beating him up for it.

Now, I list all that to say, how often as leaders to we take a minute to figure out someone’s story? We see some gruff dude waltz into church, throwing his cigarette outside, smelling like booze, and swearing in casual conversation. What is our first instinct?

We need to learn as leaders how to balance conviction and judgment.

Especially for those young in ministry, it can become muddled or difficult to find the difference between the two, especially if you are a person who is non-confrontational. Sometimes there is a thought process of

“I don’t want to step on someone’s toes” or “I don’t want them to think that I’m judging them.”

Or maybe immediately we skip conviction and go straight to, “You can’t do that here, can you please step to the side?” or we let someone else do that to them.

READ Acts 5:1-10

We need to understand our attitude before we approach someone. What should we say? Personally, I look for why the conviction is there. Is he repeatedly disturbing anyone else within reason? Is there an opportunity for growth present for the individual? Am I cranky and just looking for confrontation? Do I want the approval of others?

Why do we convict? To bring forth any guilty action brought on by the individual.

As leaders, we are put in a seat of power to convict those around us, but a leader can be more that someone on staff, or a volunteer in the church. A leader could be one of two friends looking to stand up for what is right, vs. what is easy.

To wrap things up, let’s understand 2 things.

1) Passing judgment is the initial bias we get from our own mental assessment of what we see.

2) Conviction is bringing forth any issue, guilt, or transgression that needs to be dealt with, regardless of who, or what the situation is.

READ: PROVERBS 24:23-26

As a leader we need to have a healthy balance of both. It’s in human nature to judge, and as leaders we need to develop that sixth sense and not become naïve to judge, but to make sure that our judgment is just and if we are going to judge, we had better be ready to convict as well. For you can’t have one without the other.

Tips and Tricks to managing your time.

TIME 

Who has any of that nowadays. Earlier this year I viewed "time" as a dirty four lettered word. Between doctors appointments for my thyroid, and more for Kristine's pregnancy, and then there's Celebration Church, and Eric's Way, and this, and that, and AAAAUUUGHHH!

Finding time to plan out your services can sometimes feel like a daunting and time consuming task. You have to get it done, and your volunteers in the know, and get the prep, and buy the materials, and work on your graphics, and find extra things to do in case you run short (God Forbid)

Time is like volunteers. Sometimes you feel like there's never enough and you could always use just a handful more!

Anyway, having ADHD I have had to really learn how to block out my days when I was a teen otherwise I didn't get anything done and I found myself frustrated with the amount of uncompleted tasks that surrounded me. If it were not for lists, I would never have learned to work with it.

This Blog post is more so for Pastors and Leaders in the Children's Ministry setting, or special event directors for that matter. Hope it helps!

1) Plan Ahead.


Here's what I do. I have the help of Planning Center Online (http://www.planningcenteronline.com) to help plan ahead. If you haven't heard of this before, it's exactly what it sounds like. You can plan out your services, detail them, and even go as detail oriented as timing out every segment of your service. I've included a PDF to show you what I'm talking about.

Now it goes even farther to allow you to give each service a title and a description.

This is how I start. I had my planning meeting with my fellow campus Children's Pastors and from there we discuss what we want our topics to be. Now speaking from a single church perspective, you have a little more liberty to simply decide what your topics will be.

Make a day of this. Grab a big ol' calendar and list out what topics you want to cover 6 months in advance. Yup! 6 months. On each Sunday write out your topic for the day. If you are doing a series, be sure to note how many weeks that is and write that in each Sunday. You don't have to get into the nitty gritty just yet. Simply lay out what your topics will be.

Then look for a theme. Is there a way you can decorate your room to accomodate what you are speaking about? Are there any supplies that you know would be handy to have on hand? Keep side notes for each month about these things.

Once your Sundays are done and laid out, work on the Wednesdays if applicable. Do you use this time as a review for each Sunday? Is this it's own seperate entity? Is it more game and activity heavy than a Sunday? Consider these things. Then start mapping out your monthly Wednesday Nights. Look for any dates you can switch up and throw an activity into. Christmas party? Easter Celebration? Costume Night? Pajama party? Ice Cream social? Pizza and Movie Night? Whatever you can think of just get it down on paper.

And simply start from there.

2)Figure out the details.


An artist will never draw the picture exactly as it is first. They start with a wire frame, and then work on the major details. Where will my eyes go? How big should the nose be? What shape is the mouth? They don't necessarily worry about color, and shading, and detailed lines. that comes later.

Same thing in planning your services. Don't worry about activity descriptions, or games, or how you're going to teach the memory verse. What I did was in Planning Center (You can do this on a paper calendar too) is on each day, I put down the following Headers.


   -Pre-Service
   -Start
   -Worship
   -Offering
   -Introduction
   -Bible Story
   -Wrap Up
   -Small Groups.

My Wednesdays look a little different.


   -Pre-Service
   -Start (Opening Song)
   -Introduction
   -Game
   -Lesson
   -Small Groups
 
I start with my wire frame for each Sunday and Wednesday. Then I copy and paste, and move around and sometimes I'll switch it up, but I'll do this for Each Sunday. You would not believe how much this already frees up your time to get more accomplished on later dates.

Once you are done with your wire frame, start thinking about simply the colors of each wire. Here's an example of my Wednesdays.


   -Pre-Service
     -Pre-service activity
     -Checkin
   -Start (Opening Song)
     -1 Song
   -Introduction
     -Welcome
     -Rules
     -Opening Prayer
   -Worship
     -Song #1
     -Song #2
     -Song #3
   -Game
     -Memory Verse Game
     -Memory Verse Review
   -Lesson
     -Recap of Sunday's lesson.
     -Similar Story to wrap it all up
     -Review Game
   -Small Groups
     -Activity
     -Prayer Time
     -Take Home Application

and after I do this for each service I will the detail out what my descriptions are and activities. This has given me a solid template for each service.


3.In Retrospect
If you take a day or two to do what I've just given you, you might think, "Well. I've sucked up an entire 2 days," But think about it. You've just done 6 months of material. Do you realize how much free time you have just given yourself in the planning time alone? From here you can go week to week and just work on the fine details that don't take up as much time. Since doing this, my level of stress has down gown considerably, my volunteers are able to get feelers so that even if they get a last-minute assignment, they still feel like they know what's going on in some sense.

Time for discussion! Let myself and everyone here know, "What do you do to help manage your time planning services and balancing life?"

Until later...

-Pastor Eric Riskus

Kids CRAVE Consistency!

Thought for the day. How consistent are you with your children? Do you tell them "no" on one day, but another day give in to the temper tantrums? Do you tell kids in your church, "No talking" and then allow quick little tidbits "as long as they are funny and relevant?" Kids crave consistency even if they don't realize it.

I was at Wal-mart the other day, and this little girl was trying to push the cart, but she was going slow and getting in everyone's way. The Dad stood up and said, "Alright, you have three more seconds to get the hang of it today. There's people waiting to get through." He counted to three, and then the little girl shrieked and started crying. So he threw his hands up and backed off.

It may not make the kids immediately happy, and they may even throw a little fit, but you can not give in to a child like that. Especially as a parent or within your children's ministry. I was horrible with this at first when I started out as Children's Pastor. I had my four rules.

1)No Walking
2)No Talking
3)You Should Know Better Than That
4)Have Fun

However, with rule #2, I didn't realize it, but I would allow kids to break it all the time. It's a smaller group that allows for some group discussion at points, but kids would interrupt me with something funny and somewhat relevant to what I was talking about, but I didn't want to stifle creativity or make a kid feel bad even though their joke might have been super lame.
However, this started to backfire after a while. Kids would then start interrupting me for more and more mindless idle chitchat and next thing you knew, kids were just completely disregarding the rule.

You make one exception, you're actually making a chain link of exceptions, so I learned anyway.

So now rule #2 is NO TALKING. If you have something important to say, raise your hands, and a volunteer will check to see if it's worth interrupting the service for. If it's not, then you can wait until after the service to give me your funny anecdote. If it's important to note, then the volunteer will step back and let the kid keep raising his/her hand and I'll know then that this is important, but usually it's never important enough to interrupt my service.

This can apply to parents too. If you tell your child that you are going to count to three, you'd better have a consequence by the time you get to three or your child will know that from there out they can call your bluff.

Take some time and leave some tips in the comments section! What are some good parenting tips you have in constructive discipline and consistency with your children?

Ministry Leaders: Don't Give Anger a Foothold

Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)
2 Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.


Working with Children takes a LOT of patience, however sometimes so does working with volunteers!
   I have a pretty good team of Kidmin Volunteers. Though it wasn't always that way. It took about 3 years to weed and pick through the volunteers I knew I can trust. I had some volunteers that would be there every Sunday and Wednesday night. I would have volunteers who didn't necessarily work in the kids ministry every week, but I knew I could count on them during special events.
   Then I had the volunteers who said they were in it to win it, but then Sunday service would come around and I would be the only adult in the room. Or I would ask them to come in and help with check-in and I am getting set up for the service and I would walk out in the hallway to see a massive line of children waiting to get checked in! (First off, I've learned to have everything prepared BEFORE Sundays and Wednesdays, but that's a different post.)
   Then I had the volunteers who were not quite sure what to expect with. They might have just made a commitment to live for God, and were now looking for their spot in the church. So they know they loved kids and wanted to be involved in the Children's Ministry. Well I must have been spoiled because I would hold these individuals to a really high standard. A standard that I had for my veteran volunteers, but more than just hold them to the standard I would expect them to know it without me telling them. Boy, was I a kidmin n00b!
   We don't always know what situation or volunteers are in. The verse I listed above says that we need to give allowance for faults. Now I think we should still have our standards, but like everything else, practice makes perfect. Let's remember our first time as a ministry leader! I'm sure there were a couple of things we didn't get the hang of. If at the first mistake we were fired, we would have a bitter taste in our mouths.
   I think when we select our volunteers we need to keep a few things in mind in how we pick, and how we train. I finally learned my lesson about 2 years ago. I asked a youth girl who had been awesome on Sundays to take over a service while I was gone. I knew she had the ability to follow the curriculum and to teach, while the adults in the room handled the discipline side of things.
   Well i get a phone call the next day from our pastor that she showed up 15 minutes late to service, and one of my adult volunteers showed up 45 minutes late!! The one adult in the room were really anxious because they didn't know what was happing that day in the schedule, so they just let the kids play and tried her best to handle 20 kids on her own. I was irate.
   My first thought was to never EVER let her take over for me again, and to tell this other volunteer that showed up 45 minutes late that she might as well not come in that Sunday. Their faults made ME look bad! Then I got to thinking, "You weren't fired, your kids didn't get hurt. Don't focus on what COULD have happened, but learn from this and teach your volunteers for the future."
   So I made a phone call to my youth volunteer to come in and meet with me. I discussed what her actions did for that Sunday and for the kids in the room. Then I told her that I expected a lot more from her since I put her in charge. Then I told her that I want to start seeing her about half an hour early on Sundays that she volunteers.
   What I did here was let her know that she did let me down. I didn't let her actions slide, however I made an allowance for her faults and used them to teach her for the future. Now I didn't put her back in charge for a while, but three months later I gave her a second chance and she nailed it. She was there the night before setting up, and then she was there half an hour early to spend time with kids when they were checking in.
   I had a meeting with the other volunteer, and it pretty much went the same. I won't bore you with the details, but she has been a lot better about it.


Paul continues to write later in Ephesians chapter 4, verse 29, 


"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."


It's important that as a minister, you realize that your ministry is not just for the kids, but for everyone around you. Your volunteers look up to you for direction, guidance, and accountability. When I was in college, I was volunteering at a small church about 45 minutes away. I was in a classroom with the teacher giving the lesson, and he was fumbling through a book, so while the kids were making up their own, "fun" i started telling them stories. About halfway through, the teacher looked at me, pointed to the door and yelled out, "You're being a distraction, you need to leave right now!" right in front of the kids! Here's what happened.
1) I was humiliated. I was doing him a favor by keeping the kids attention and focus while he was looking through his book.
2) I was scarred by that and didn't help him out any more.
3) The kids were freaked out a bit by it, and now when they were around me they just felt awkward


Luckily for him, I went to college for Children's Ministry so I was already solid in what I wanted to do, however imagine if it was someone who was new to the faith and was looking for their spot to help out? I can guarantee that it would have taken a LOT of repair work to fix up his confidence.


One more verse. Ephesians 4:27


"for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil"


In this case, anger made the leader bitter, anger made the volunteer shaken and allowed for Satan or his forces to come in and start planting seeds of doubt and lies.


So simply put, be careful how you handle volunteers that may or may not be the most faithful. Be gentle in how you handle them, but be stern and hold them accountable at the same note. Remember, an allowance is not an onflowing stream of letting them do what they want, but it's opportunities for them to learn and grow. If they are learning, then great. If not, well then it might not be the ministry position for them.


Anyway. Hope all is well!


-Eric Riskus

Top Ten Myths about ADHD

Here's a great link that was posted on facebook.
Check it out.

The only one that I will disagree with is that ADHD is underdiagnosed. I think it's just commonly misdiagnosed. Kids are diagnosed with ADHD who don't have it, but a lot of kids are being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and etc. I just think it comes down to a case where it's not the most easily understoond condition. I can agree that it's a hinderance in modern learning, but I still stand by my word that it's not a disorder. It's something we have to work through!

Enjoy the article!
Top Ten Myths about ADHD

Cool lighting effects for $20-$50 a piece!!

Hey, just a couple of ideas I'm willing to share with you and your ministries.

Lighting. It's something that's either taken for granted or it's under-used. You would not believe how much lighting can change the entire atmosphere of a room. Let's talk about special lights. You know, the cool lamp in the room, the awesome centerpiece, but you don't need to break your budget to get some cool lighting fixtures!

1) Rope Lights.
These will become the most versatile set of lighting in your ministry. Rope lights are useful for EVERYTHING. But don't just slap them on a wall and call it cool. Okay, it grabs attention, but unless you do it right, it just looks sloppy.

Here is a cool trick I learned with Rope Lights!

FOAM NOODLES: These are the coolest thing since sliced bread. You can swim with them. Cut them in half and give them to a cabin full of ADHD boys and just let them beat the tar out of each other without injury then watch them be ready for a nap around 10am. Cut them into rings and play games. They are awesome.
A while back I was purchasing a bunch of foam noodles to put around my room. I would slice them straight down the middle and put them up like pipework in the room. A woman who helps out with our senior Pastor's company, "Laugh Your Way America" had stepped in and checked out what I was doing. She saw some rope lights I was going to throw out and then suggested, "What if you ran them through the noodles?"
Woah. Mind=blown. I didn't even think about it. So I had to figure out the best way to string them through because some ends caught on the noodle, but I figured it out. Plugged in the rope lights and the noodles glowed so bright!! So I strung more ropelights and more noodles and viola! Cool lighting.

Here's a picture of how they turned out.

My next project that I'm working on will utilize old Christmas Lights. I'm making a centerpiece for our game room.

Here's what I'm using:
Cube Wire Shelving
Chain Links
4 1' metal chains
Christmas Lights

You know those wire shelves that you piece together with plastic connectors? Place anything too heavy and the whole thing comes a tumblin down? Here's a better use that what they were made for!

I have a bunch of these squares lying around. I'm going to make a grid of 6x6 of these. Don't use the plastic connectors though. I will use 3 chain links to link them together. Then I'm going to do a 2nd layer that's about 2 chain links on top of that and grid it out to 5x5. Then same distance in links and 4x4 and so on until I have the last row of 1x1. Then you take your christmas lights and string them throughout the whole thing in a tangled mess. LED lights would be the best since they don't generate a lot of heat. When I'm done I'll have a sweet pyramid of these hanging from the ceiling. Now, I have a metal beam that runs across the center of my ceiling which I will be attaching these to. This whole thing could weight as much as 50lbs and you don't want that tearing anything down and landing on kids. That is also why I'm using chain links instead of the plastic connectors. I'll post pictures when I'm done.

Anyway. Just use your imagination. You can do some really cool things for cheap if you just take the time to use what is around you!

That is all for today! Enjoy!

-Eric Riskus

Tips and Secrets to Ministering to Children with ADHD

I would first like to disclaim that I don't have any kind of degree in children's psychology, however I do have my own life experiences and what I have documented and seen work with kids with ADHD.

To give a little back story, i was diagnosed with ADHD back in the 3rd grade. The doctors put me on Ritalin and there was definite improvement in my focus, but at the same time it kind of repressed who I was. But if I ever went off of my medication for the weekend when there was no school it would throw off the effects, so I ended up having to take Ritalin every day of the school year. No exceptions.
My mom would make sure that I took 20mg in the morning before school and then I would have to take another 10mg around 1:00 to make sure I can focus the rest of the day. However the issue was that I had to remember to take it! More often than not I wouldn't take it and my parents would get sent letters that I still had a full bottle of meds left.
One morning I had to hurry out of the house and didn't have time to eat breakfast, so my parents gave me some money to buy breakfast at school. I went to the cafeteria and they told me that there wasn't any breakfast left, so they let me have some Zingers, a chocolate frosted cake snack, instead.
Now all of this considered, when I would go to school, I would not be able to focus, I was full of energy, and when I got home I would crash and then not feel like doing my homework or getting anything done. The school would send letters home saying that, "Your child does not complete his homework on time." or "Your child is disrupting class in outbursts." or my favorite, "You need to take the time to work with your child on his focus and attention."

Does this sound like it's entirely the child or the parents' fault?

Back in 1993 ADHD was still a little unknown, so the first thing people tried to do was fight it, like it was some kind of curable disease. ADD and ADHD is not a disease.

And can I say this? It is NOT a learning disorder!

I'm going to start calling people who are blind AVD (Active Vision Disorder) and people in wheelchairs UWD (Upright Walking Disorder.) Okay, maybe not. I think people would get a little offended, but think about this.

The brain of those with ADHD is wired differently than those who don't have it.

Notice the brain on the left. It's of a child who does not have ADHD. The one on the right is of a child with ADHD.

The difference here is that those with ADHD are not stimulated enough. You'll see the decreased brain activity. The problem today is that we constantly try to FIGHT ADHD. Which you simply can't do. I guarantee that the ADHD will win. If you try to heavily medicate, you may win, but the child is now collateral damage. You suck out all the personality and what makes that child unique.

ADHD is not something that can be fought. I did not want to be stuck on meds for it my entire life. So when I was 13 I stopped taking my meds and my parents and I started to learn how to work with it. This is the premise of this blog post today.

We often try to fight ADHD with a few following practices.

1) Just try to focus!
Let's take little Eric in Chidren's Church. He's found a rubber band and starts playing with it in his hands, but the Pastor yells at him to put it away and listen to the message. There's nothing happening on stage for the next five minutes except the pastor is talking and wrapping up his message. Then at the end Eric has no clue what has just been said and goes home not learning a thing. Sure he paid attention for the first 2 minutes, but then the Pastor said something about a video game to tie into what he was wrapping up with, and Eric began thinking about the video games he was going to play at home, and what he was going to eat, and that he likes mac and cheese, but not as much as cheeseburgers, and maybe mom and dad will take him to McDonalds, never mind McDonalds, he wants Burger King, and then he remembers, oh! I have a report to do in school about the king of France, and the other day I learned something in french, and french fries sound good, and I want to go to McDonalds...why is everyone getting up and leaving?

Most people don't realize, but children with ADHD are excellent mental multi-taskers. That's why when we are working on something that's mindless like washing dishes, or putzing with playthings we are all aware of what's happening around us. There is one exception which is hyper-focusing. This is when we are working on something with our hands that we are truly interested in and then we tune everything else out, close off our minds and focus exclusively on what is in front of us right now. This happens when it's a project that we CHOOSE to do.

Physically, when we start a new task or idea, we get this great notion to start a brand new project, but we can easily get distracted and the common thing you find in anyone with ADHD is that there are a lot of unfinished projects because we start something new and leave the old one. (I'll talk about how to work around this effectively in a later post. Don't worry!)

Here's a tip. If a child in your ministry is doodling on a piece of paper while you are delivering simply a message, let him doodle. I can bet you $100 that he will have retained what you were talking about. Maybe not at that exact moment, but later at home he'll remember everything. We're funny like that. Our brains scatter information. So while it may not appear that we are listening, we really are.

2)Sit still!
ADHD has that one extra letter in there, the "H" which stands for "Hyperactivity." Rather than think of this as a disorder, let's think of it as attention deficit in high definition!
We are movers. We like to stay somewhat active. Think of it like this. ADHD kids are like bottles of baking soda and vinegar. If you put a cap on it, it's going to burp, and gas will release, and come out in little spurts. If you try to tighten the cap, the bottle is going to explode. If you take time to take the cap off, the pressure releases naturally.

If a child with ADHD is squirming in their seat, it's beneficial to give them something to do with their hands.

Here's an example.

A while back while I was volunteering under Pastor Keith Schommer, in Green Bay I was walking up and down the aisles, and there was a kid in the back who was making noise and being disruptive. The adults would simply walk by and press their finger to their lips and go, "shhh" as if it was somehow going to miraculously turn this kid into an attention machine. I went and got a piece of yarn and tied it into a circle knot. Nothing too big, but something he can slip over his hand. I then sat down next to him and gave him this piece of yarn while P.K. was delivering his message. This kid did not make a peep. Instead he was fiddling with the yarn and his attention was on that. Meanwhile during the service I would now and then point to the stage and he would look up, and pay attention. I turned the yarn into the distraction, but then I turned the stage into the distraction for the yarn.

This is an example of taking the cap off the bottle. The adults telling him to shhh was forcing the cap on the bottle, and his little outbursts was the cap loosely on the bottle.


The main point I'm trying to get across here is that you need to start learning how to work with kids who have ADHD instead of trying to surpress it. It's a battle you will never win. Your children will get frustrated, and not learn a thing.

Now one common thing I hear from a lot of teachers is, "If I let him play with that yarn, I need to let the other kids play with yarn too!" or "His piece of yarn is distracting the kids next to him."

I could easily turn that around! What if there's a kid with a leg brace in my children's ministry? Should I have him take it off simply because it's distracting other kids? Should I take it away because I'll have to give the other kids a leg brace too?
ADHD is a condition that requires tools and techniques to work around it. It's not a lifestyle choice, but it is a lifestyle none the less. We don't choose to have it. I can't stop my ADHD just so others can feel more comfortable. The minute I started learning to work with what I have, the sooner God was able to use me in the way he called me to be. God doesn't make mistakes so stop trying to fix them!

That being said, here's some ideas for you to share with your volunteers.

1) You should never have to handle these issues on stage. Your volunteers need to be trained to handle children with ADHD. Teach them what I wrote above and how to do it in the least distracting way as possible. A string of yarn is WAAY better than a slamming book!

2) There are things that are inexcuseable.
ADHD is not an excuse. I refuse to let my kids cause trouble simply because they have ADHD. If a kid keeps making outbursts you have to determine if the root is simply ADHD or if it is outright disrespect. If your child is doodling on his bulletin, then that's one thing. If he's writing on the walls it's something else!

3) This post is not about favoritism to ADHD kids.
You would think so, but it's not. Don't pick the ADHD kid to do something all the time because it will help ease the tension. It's not fair to the other kids. I did have to learn how to start controlling myself in public. And that's how I developed and learned about the mental multi tasking. Let them have something like a squeeze ball, but they shouldn't be favored and the other kids forced to work around him. We're all in this together and they have to learn that it's not all about them. These steps above are simply the tools to help your ADHD child learn and succeed in an environment around them.

I hope this makes some sense and gives you some great ideas on how to work with children who have ADHD. The most important rule is that you shouldn't fight ADHD, rather learn to work with it.

"Creationist Fail" Fail.

A recent video has come out depicting Christians or those who believe in God to be wrong again. But the video they use is pretty one sided and doesn’t make a lot of sense in fighting an argument about creationism vs. somehow it was always there.

Watch the video by clicking the title.

First off, it starts by saying that we are in a “Goldilocks Zone” Where if we were too close to the sun, we’d burn up and if we were too far away, we would freeze. The way this video speaks of it, it sounds like he believes that it’s in the bible that it was perfectly placed. The biggest part of this fad saying came from a Carmen music video in the 90’s that talked about the science behind it.

“Creationists can’t ever say it again.”

We never could say it to begin with! The bible does not say anywhere that “God placed the Earth within such a mass of the sun so that we wouldn’t burn up, or we wouldn’t freeze.” Simply put, God created the heavens and the Earth. The word “heavens” first off is not capitalized so it’s not a specific place. Look at the Hebrew word for heavens.

הַשָּׁמַ֖יִם (missing some of the Hebrew vowel markers…but that’s Arial for you.)

This word in English is, “ha·sha·ma·yim”

This word has a few multiple meanings, heaven or sky. That was the belief, in Hebrew, that it was the sky during the day, heavens at night. To keep with that,

You’ll find the same word used again in Genesis 2:4

⁴ This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created, when the LORD God made the earth and the heavens.

And the word “heavens” was used in more than one translation of the bible, keeping it close to the original word, hashamayim.

That being said, you’ll hear the next part when the rocket flew into space it immediately found 1,235 planets. When God created the Earth, he created the heavens with it. Every star in the sky, the universe…basically the whole expansion beyond what you see past the sky or what the bible refers to as the “firmament” which is a different use of heaven (no ‘s.’) and is used to say, “sky.” The Hebrew word is שָׁמַ֫יִם

Or shamayim, which only refers to what, you see as the “sky”

So since the beginning we knew that there was more out there than just Earth. In fact the video says that 54 are in their own Goldilocks zones of their stars. 5 are the same size as the Earth. God created the heavens and the Earth. So it’s ignorant even for Christians to claim that God only created the Earth and it’s the only planet that can support life. No where did God say, “I will never create another rock like this one. No other rock will support life and if it does it’s where I’ll hide the mermaids and the unicorns.”

The video goes on and on about how it will only see a tiny fraction of space in the entire universe. Well by that definition so could the Jews. Except they didn’t have any fancy telescopes or shuttles or rockets or even a stinking pair of binoculars to tell that “oh. There are other planets like ours.”

They concluded that everything beyond what you could see was, “heavens”

Moving on…            

“We’ve been trying to tell Creationists that this is the case, but they just didn’t listen.”

Really? Who did you talk to? The crazy lady with 300 cats holding a Bible and a shotgun? I’m pretty sure a TON of creationists would agree with me that God created the heavens and the Earth. Can I say that enough? That was the heavens and the Earth. No specific place. No specific chunk of space. Simply, “heavens”

And he goes on and on even more about how, “You think this was made just for you?” NO! Get off your high horse!

WE were created for God. THAT’S what the bible teaches. God put us here on Earth and created us to worship him. That’s what I believe and no one has been able to counter it in any way shape or form.

So remember. If you happen to watch this video, it does not disprove Creationism. It doesn’t prove it either. It’s just an angry individual stating fun facts about the universe.

The Need for Men in Your Kids' Ministry

In some cases when you're building a ministry from the ground up it's important to try to get men in your ministry for a few fundamental reasons. I'm not picking on women, mind you, but it is very important that we get good strong men involved. Why?

1)Superhero

Men need to be seen as heroes and set an example within the ministry of your children. Boys need someone to look up to. Girls need a guy that they can look up to and say, “I need a husband like that when I grow up.” Boys need a champion they can aspire after. Someone they can model their lives after. Men provide the image of "protection" and "provision" within the children's ministry as well as in the family. In most single parent families, the single parent is a mom. For that reason there needs to be men in the church that don't necessarily take on the "Father" figure, but honestly, besides the streets and schools you're probably the closest thing to a dad that kid will ever have.

2)Big Brother

Most of the kids have two parents and need a "Big Brother" Someone to guide them. Those of you with kids in the 5-8th grade age know that sometimes your children just won't listen to you, however they'll listen to someone else. How often do your kids listen to their older siblings like every word they say is golden? My older brother was the wisest person I knew. Sometimes that “older brother” can turn out to be that male volunteer in your ministry. If they not licensed as a Pastor or Counselor, then obviously they can't give advice and dictate direction, however it's possible for them to guide answers and motives in the right direction.

There's a number of reasons why men hate the church. More men than women are diagnosed with learning disabilities and what do we do? We give them an onion-skinned bible written in size 5 font, double columned and translated in poetry. What? No wonder men don't get into it.

Worship pastors make them sing "Love" songs to Jesus. I heard it best from David Murrow,

“If I were in a boat fishing with my buddy, and I said to him, ‘I’m desperate for you. I’m lost without you.’ He would throw me overboard and go home.”

Don’t forget that though God may be without gender….Jesus was a dude. Most men often associated God with the male gender. So to some of us God is subconsciously a dude. We don’t sing love songs to other dudes. Now, yes there is a time for that, but there are praise and worship songs out there that express that. Yes we as men love one another, but not in a singsong Sound of Music sense.

In Children's ministry in the early 90's and later 80's there was a transition of, "Jesus loves you, and you are the bride of Christ, and Jesus loves children, and you need to love children, and if you don't it's not so nice." And then the movie Terminator came out. Which do you think more men chose to do?

So what is the common denominator in these senses? LINGO! You have to be careful how you phrase what you do, especially to the men in the church that just sit back and don't say anything. Chances are they do that because they already feel like an outcast.

Sometimes this happens in our approach to getting men involved in Children’s Ministry, and I will be the first to admit that I had started with this issue. It was how I heard things in the church when I first started out at age 14. Fast forward four years later and when I was in college back in 2005 and took on an unpaid position as the Children’s Ministries Coordinator at a small church in Chisago Lakes, MN, I used this tactic to get volunteers.

I try to stay away from phrases like, "We are in desperate need of guys to help out!" or "Oh my kids would absolutely love having you in on Sundays!"

Guys don't want to be part of a sinking ship. When you throw in the word, "Desperate" it sends an immediate sub-conscious red flag. Now there will be those that will try to save a sinking ship and join in, but if they find out that by sinking ship, the leader meant that they need a man in the room amongst a bunch of women, then they get uncomfortable and leave. Or when the job is, “Fixed” and no longer in “Desperate” mode they think they are done and move on.

How can we change this? Simple phrase changes can make a big difference.

“Hey! I see that you are good with your hands. I need someone to take on a building project and help our kids through it. It’s a small craft, but I figured that you would be great for it. Can we talk about it over coffee?”

Simple. Set up an appointment to discuss it. Be honest, but don’t sound desperate. Take an activity that appeals to more women than men and turn it. So now, at your meeting, discuss your end result of what you want this to look like, have him help you get an approach to it, and then have him lead it. He might think that he’s doing it just once, and who knows? Maybe it is just once, but maybe you are also planting a seed that God wants to cultivate and sculpt.

Here’s another killer. Lovey dovey language. This is an immediate killer for most men.

"Oh my children would just LOVE you!"

“Oh, you are so sweet. Our Children’s Ministry would just adore you.”

Now it may be a true statement, but something about having a bunch of kids love on you may be cute, but for a lot of men it can make them uncomfortable. I like to switch out the word, "love" with "admire," "respect," or "look up to." That changes how a man reacts. We want to be admired! That's why we get jobs and fix our house and can take all the bags from walmart, roll them up our arms, and walk in the house with 100lbs of groceries. We like to be admired! Men CRAVE respect. If a man doesn't get respect, it starts to wear away at them. That's why if men don't feel like their respected at one place, they'll look to another. Respect can take a man a long way.

Look through the Bible. I can guarantee that if you read any story about God calling a man, then it starts out with God giving them respect.

"Abram, I will give you this land."

"Joshua, I will give you this city."

"Saul, You will make a mighty king"

"David, You will make a mighty king, and your line of descendants will be great"

"Solomon, Ask for whatever you want and I will give it"

Now to anyone else it might look like, "God's not giving them respect, he's giving them bribes!" Well in part....yes. We as men do respond to rewards. An end to justify the means. It’s a big part of our human nature. Notice wives, when you tell a man to fold the laundry he gives a groan. If you tell a man, “Fold the laundry and I’ll make you hot wings.” We’ll have that laundry folded so fast that the clothes will catch on fire and we’ll have to buy new ones! Okay, maybe I’m the only one that gets THAT excited over hot wings. However when you think about the men in the bible from a man's perspective, "Wow. God's really willing to give me this kind of power?" Which is a huge form of respect.

So that's my first recommendation. Respect and admiration is key. Love and caring is not so much. There will be some guys that respond to that, but for the rest of us? Not so much.

So let’s go through those example above and switch out some words and make it more man friendly.

"You’ve got some leadership skills! The kids would just take to you right away!"

“I enjoy your company. Honestly? I think you would be a great addition to my team. I think you have a hidden potential for working with kids.”

Did you know that the words, “Kids” and “Children” can have different effect too? The word “Children” sounds more feminine than, “Kids” why? And it’s a true fact.

The letters “Ch” are a soft “sh” and we associate the softer side of things to be more feminine. “Chartreuse.” “Chardonnay” so on. The letter, “K” has a hard consonant sound after it. This harder sound appeals more to men. “Kill” “tool-Kits”

Something new to ponder!

Ladies, please don't get angry. We as men are just built this way.

HOW DO WE COMBAT THIS MALE PERSONA?

Well the first problem with that question is the word “Combat” When you fight a man, he’ll most likely fight back. Work with a man and he’ll work with you.

Now this example is from building the ministry from the ground up. With not a lot of help, resources, or budget.

I’ve only been in my position as a Pastor for Celebration Church; Stevens Point, for about 3 years now. When I first started there was a split in the volunteers of the children’s ministry because I was the new guy, but I had a faithful few that still stuck around. They were all strong gifted women, but I wanted more men. This I knew would take a bit of time.

I was brand new to the Stevens Point area. So I couldn’t just go asking men to help out, or really anyone to help out, with not knowing anyone in the area. If I walked up to a guy and said, “Hey. You would work great with kids.” He would think I’m weird. Why? “You don’t know me…”

So the first year I spent attending different events as a participant and as a leader to get in the view of other men. Then after I friended one, he introduced me to a couple of other guys, and a circle of friends had started. Then I began to talk to other guys in the church on Sunday Mornings by just striking up idle conversation, and then next thing you know, I have a friend with most of the men at the church. This process took a while because at the time I lived 45 minutes away and gas was $4 so traveling a lot was difficult. That was the first year.

The second year I had just filled my staff with enough people to cover different positions, however it was mostly women. Not a problem for me, mind you because I love the older sister/mother/grandmother figures in the ministry, and we NEED women in our children’s ministries too. They are the nurturers and the caregivers for the kids. But I did get some men involved, but not involved on Sundays or Wednesdays, which worked out better up front.

After I got my guy friends I started thinking of different building projects. I knew I needed a storage room, and my children’s ministry space was really long. So I commissioned a buddy to help me build a wall about 4 feet from the front wall and we made it a stage. We built a window, a door, and mounted two flat-screen TV’s. The new space between was my storage room. That was a volunteer position.

I wanted to do a boys night at my apartment and a girls night at one of my female lead’s apartments where we could just hang out and be our genders. I asked one of my friends if he could tag along and help me grill and throw a football. I didn’t say, “Watch the boys” or “hang out with kids” because if they haven’t done so yet, why would they change instantly now? That night he grilled, we watched a movie, and we threw a football and he had a blast. He was a volunteer.

The children’s ministry was starting to get more attention from men in the church. As I was appealing to the masculine needs with more men others wanted to get involved. Fundraisers, carnivals, games. When you find a specific need for men, the men will usually find you. There was a dad by the name of, “Todd” in the church who was about 29-30ish that had a boy in the children’s ministry. Todd confronted me and asked if I needed help on my Wednesday nights and I said, “Yes.” I told him what positions I’m looking to fill. He agreed to take part in the 4-6 grade small group coach. Each Wednesday I would have one of the ladies take part in the storytelling and during my time offstage, instead of prepping or mosing around, I sat next to Todd and we talked about what was going to happen next, and then just some idle guy talk. This was me showing him respect and making him feel like a part of the team.

Then on Sundays more of the boys in the youth department were starting to get involved. I had boys on stage during worship helping out with actions and I allowed them to be somewhat goofballs. That made the boys in the audience laugh and get involved and now the boys in my ministry were doing actions and getting involved in the ministry.

After Todd was more involved I was talking to another guy by the name of Rick. He worked at the Foundry in Waupaca and worked 50-60 hours a week. He was exhausted. I never asked him about getting involved or even made mention of the children’s ministry. He knew who I was and what I did though, but not through me. We talked during men’s breakfast and just enjoyed being guys. Finally one day he left his job out of the blue. There was some bad blood between him and the boss and he finally said, “Enough!” and left. When he did we were talking about it and he said, “You know. If you would like some help in your room, I’d be happy to now that I have more time.”

So there’s another regular!

Now ladies, it’s usually considered “inapproparate” for you to spend this much time with a dude that's not your husband and is usually frowned upon, so you might ask, “How do I do this then?”

If you have even one guy in your children's ministry, you can turn him into the recruiter. If you don't have a guy in the children's ministry find a project that needs to be done. If you don't have one then make one. Have a paint job that needs touching up, or a small platform for your room to become a makeshift stage. Whatever it is, find something that a guy likes to do. See if he is willing to get some of his guy friends involved. If you get a chance to talk to a guy after church, just by changing your lingo to something more guy friendly you will start to see more results.

If a woman asked me to come in and work with kids at first I might have been a little weirded out. Even as a teenager the thought of babysitting doesn’t appeal to me. However if I’m asked to build a graphic for the children’s ministry I’m grabbing my laptop asking where I get started.

You start by appealing to the interests of men by showing respect, and then you get more results.

So here’s what I’m doing now that this ball is rolling.

Every other Tuesday I throw a man's night in my garage. I pull out the poker chips, play some Led Zepplin,and when the guys get there we talk about EVERYTHING. No holding back, just be dudes and talk, but (except for me telling you now) We keep it underground. No one talks about man-night in the church and the only way in is via invitation handwritten and passed along to a group-voted in member of the church. Why the exclusivity? One reason is I don't have a ton of room in my garage for 100 men, and 2, when men feel like they are part of something like this it builds their ego. And if we don't advertise it, then men don't get offended that they weren't invited. It's a simple concept. To make it more like we’re doing something greater I issue bi-weekly challenges. Last week’s was a random act of kindness in secret. The person who you are giving the RAK can not be aware of it. Mine was paying for the drink behind me at Starbucks then driving off before a “thank you” could be given. They don’t know who I am. Then as a result of these I rewarded the men with an extra 1000 in poker chips. (NOTE: The poker chips are not resemblance of money. We do not illegally gamble. They are just clay discs that are colored and worth x-amount of points.)

Men want to be a part of something bigger whether they realize it or not. So many men get caught up in the superhero movies because the hero usually starts out as a nobody, then after some radical transformation they become part of a bigger picture. That being said, how does it apply to Children's Ministry?

I use it as a tool to recruit male volunteers. I get them involved in my circle of friends (After all, a team of children's ministers need to be able to co-exist in a room) and then after they've been working with me a while I throw out, "Hey, I could really use a tough guy like you to be a role model in my ministry." or "The way you relay your stories is amazing. My 5th grade boys would admire a guy like you." and it piques their interest.

I’ll share something with you. One of the guys in our guy’s night came up to me and said, “It was amazing to finally hang out with a group of guys that weren’t already drunk by the time I got there. I got more out of this experience than I ever have at a bar.”

Now, he’s not involved in the kids ministry mind you, but know if I have a project that needed some help, he would be one of the first to jump up and help out.

I just want to disclaim that I in no way am undervaluing the importance of women in the children’s ministry. I think the role of a woman in ministry is a valid and needed position. Children need strong Godly women to follow as well. I just know that in America a lot of people I talk with have had problems recruiting men into a new ministry or a current ministry. Smaller churches also struggle with this a lot. So this is merely a guide for people to start learning how to relate to men.

Have a GREAT day.

-Eric Riskus